9am Wake up feeling good. Have half an apple and shredded wheat for breakfast with a coffee before rushing into uni – 45 minutes late. “And that’s about me done!” says our guest speaker as I enter the room. Fuck.
1pm For lunch, I eat the leftover beef and cauliflower rice my 71-year-old housemate made on the last day of her carb-free ‘regime’ (as she called it). I am surprised by how much I don’t hate the cauliflower rice.
4pm Starving and a bit shaky after my last lecture. Try to find a snack at the university shop – the only thing I can find without added sugar is a packet of Hula Hoops, and that’s still a potato product. I buy them but don’t feel good about it.
6pm Next, a bookshop event with free wine. I have an internal struggle – I haven’t decided what to do about alcohol yet. I have a quick google and decide a glass of red wine will be fine, but nothing more.
8pm The event turns out not to be what I thought it was. In a strange turn of events, we are put into pairs to read aloud to each other. I end up being read to by a lovely Italian whilst blindfolded. I almost choke on my wine when he reads me the sentence, “the size of his cock was matched only by the size of his desire”. Though I only meant to have one glass of wine, I was blindfolded when the woman came round to top up our glasses and so I was powerless to stop her. “He rose to his feet, his massive cock erect,” continued Francesco. I have to be honest – had I not been blindfolded, I don’t think I would have stopped the wine lady.
9:30pm Back at home, I make a hurried (though not entirely bad) dinner of microwave wholegrain rice, bacon, most of a courgette and some cherry tomatoes. Quite fancy something sweet when I’m done but settle for a decaf coffee.
10pm I rifle through my fridge and throw away some sugar-loaded yoghurts and some asparagus that went out of date in December of last year. I resolve to do better tomorrow.
Star rating: ★★
Wait – what’s this about? So glad you asked. Let me tell you.