Corona Journal, 24 March: Day 9

9am Last night, boyfriend and I slept on opposite sides of the bed to the ones we usually do and it must be a sign of how boring my life has become that I find this genuinely wild.

9.30am Wish boyfriend was in a bad mood so I could say, ‘seems like SOMEONE woke up on the wrong side of the bed!’ but annoyingly he seems quite happy today. Seriously consider picking a fight with him for the sake of some comedy gold. Decide against it, but only just.

9.45am Think about how the new lockdown restrictions have really scuppered my plans to go for two jogs per day. Sigh.

10am Have a message from a tutoring agency. I have been booked to teach Italian conversation to a 8-year-old at 5pm today. I am slightly anxious about this because I haven’t spoken any Italian in 5 years.

10.30am I message some Italian friends, telling them I am nervous because I can’t speak Italian any more. Obviously I am hoping they will respond with, yes you can, don’t be silly, your Italian is wonderful but actually they correct the mistakes I made in my messages and one says that’s a brave decision.

10.52am Manager emails and asks for a Google Hangouts meeting at 11. Obviously I am in my pyjamas and haven’t washed my hair since Sunday. I type, ‘Works for me! Speak soon’ and race to the shower with a battle cry.

11.01am Sit in front of my laptop after the world’s quickest shower, wet hair dripping down my back. Manager nowhere in sight.

11.30am Manager starts meeting. Record-breaking shower absolutely pointless but at least I am dressed now.

6pm The 8-year-old student was not 8 or what could be called anything close to a student. He was a loveable, hyperactive 4-year-old who barely said anything to me in Italian beyond, ‘I don’t like you’. Other than that, he stuck mostly to singing a delightful song called gaa gaa goo goo wee wee poo poo while his dad tried to get him to stop squirming about and to say any words at all, Italian or otherwise. He (the dad) was an ACTUAL ITALIAN and not unattractive, so obviously I lost all composure and kept fluffing my words. Despite all this, his parents seemed quite happy with the ‘lesson’ (i.e. me holding up objects for an hour and asking their son to tell me what it was), so I guess we’ll be doing more of the same over the coming weeks.

8pm Flatmate, boyfriend and I accidentally come across BoJo’s lockdown speech on Amazon Prime. It has been reviewed 56 times with an average of 3 stars. Not sure what to make of this, so we watch the next Hunger Games film.

9pm Feels particularly dystopian to be watching a dystopian film when we are living in a dystopia. Maybe we have invented a new genre – dystopiception. Wow, I’m so profound, I think. Better write that down for tomorrow’s blog so everyone knows how profound I am.

9.02pm Have I gone mad?

I hate to be this person (that’s a lie, I love the attention) but I’ve made the Corona Journal into a newsletter so you can get it emailed to you every day. Each post/email takes 1-2 minutes to read and let’s be honest, what else have you got to do right now? Also, sorry. You can subscribe here.

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