Corona Journal, 22 April: Writing Routine*

4:30am Wake up. Sit at window, watch the sun rise and pen a quick poem.

5am Meditate.

5.30am Drink black coffee and gaze out of window again, waiting for inspiration to strike.

6am Smoke pipe and stroke beard (long).

6:30am Light a candle and say a prayer to the Writing Goddess, Cat Johnson. May she inspire and protect me. May she guide my quill. May my ink never run dry. Amen,


6:45am Begin writing masterpiece. On a typewriter. With a cigarette hanging from my lips. The only way to write.


You have no idea how thrilled I was to discover that there is a make of typewriter called Corona

10am Boyfriend wakes up and wanders into living room. Shout at him for ruining my flow. He retreats meekly.

1pm First meal of the day, some dry toast and more black coffee. I do not need to eat. Writing is my nourishment.

3pm Run 10 kilometres, like Murakami.

4pm Do pushups, like Vonnegut.

5pm Do another 2 hours of writing on a treadmill, like A.J. Jacobs. Except he only walked. I am sprinting. Uphill.

6pm Have a three course meal cooked and served to me by boyfriend. I may not need to eat, but you know. It’s still nice. Boyfriend does not eat with me; he eats in his own quarters. I cannot have outsiders bringing their chaotic energies into the calm inner sanctum of my Writing Room (the living room).

7pm Triple whiskey after dinner. On the rocks. Inspiration juice.

7:15pm Quadruple whiskey. Neat.

7:30pm Ammso INSPRRED! am a GENIUS.

8pm annuther hour o wiritng done. best things i hav evrr writen, about the condition of man. nd by MAN i mean ALL PEOPLE NCLUDING WOMEN its not sexist. am genus. watch out world herre i come!!! hur hur hur

9pm To bed. It’s so important for writers to get their full 8 hours’ of beauty sleep.

Repeat ad infinitum.

*Just to be clear, I made this up. In actual fact I did pretty much nothing with my day other than a long walk and some work plotting ~my novel~ (no, really). So I thought the above might be more interesting to read as I decide what my Artistic Routine is going to be.

I hate to be this person (that’s a lie, I love the attention) but I’ve made the Corona Journal into a newsletter so you can get it emailed to you every day. Each post/email takes 1-2 minutes to read and let’s be honest, what else have you got to do right now? Also, sorry. You can subscribe here.

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