Corona Journal, 29 April: Day 45

11:30am Lesson with g-ma. She is so sweet that after we finish the lesson that I have planned, I stay online chatting with her for another half an hour because she makes me laugh so much.

12pm The sickly tomato plant lives! At some point, I am going to have to repot these. How does one get hold of soil? I ask around and most people advise stealing from a park at night, but sadly under COVID-19 guidelines, the park near me shuts at 7pm now.

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12:10pm Google ‘where to buy soil’ and decide to try my luck at the online B&Q store, but they have an ONLINE queue, presumably to stop all us internet surfers bumping into each other and passing on the virus. Huh. B&Q. B&QUEUE more like, har har har.

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12:15pm Been in the queue for 5 minutes and it still says the wait is longer than an hour. If they think I’ve got time to waste they’d be absolutely right, but whether I’m willing to is another matter.

12:20pm Who hangs around in an online queue for hours to pay actual money for literal dirt, anyway?

2:30pm Head out to Sainsbury’s. It’s drizzling and the queue is long, so everyone seems to be in a bad mood. Particularly the man two ahead of me, who keeps turning to the girl in front of me and (quite aggressively) telling her to stand further away from him. She (quite passive aggressively) ignores him and continues to stand within touching distance. I do the polite thing and stare determinedly into the middle distance, pretending I have no idea what’s going on even though (surprise surprise) the £15 millennial pink headphones I bought from Amazon are about as far from noise-cancelling as it is possible to be. I think they might actually amplify outside sounds.

3pm Return home triumphant with supplies of food and alcohol, and settle down to finish editing the novel I’m working on (not my one, you understand. Don’t be ludicrous. Someone else’s).

3:30pm Cannot believe it. Another parcel has shown up for me, this time from aforementioned Tech Savvy Friend 1 and his wife. I open them to find a gorgeous box of chocolates; am thrilled and proceed to eat a mere quarter of them, showing gargantuan self-restraint.

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A quick sidenote; I have never received this many parcels in my life, not even on my birthday, and I only started mentioning them because they really have been making my day and I wanted to thank the people who sent them to me. But I’m going to stop mentioning them now because I feel braggy and a bit weird about it. Boyfriend said people keep sending me stuff because I sound so sad on my blog, so I want to reassure you all that I am only slightly more sad than usual. Also, if you do send me something in the future and I don’t mention it, it’s not because I hate whatever you’ve sent (probably), it’s just because I’m far too popular and famous to mention all my gifts xoxo

4pm Going to have to immediately retract that because there are some mystery plants and compost on our front doorstep with no note. The two flats below us have moved out and I haven’t heard the flat above jumping around recently, so we’re not sure who they are meant for. Don’t want to take them in case they’re not meant for us – on the other hand, I’m worried the plants will die. Consult with flatmate and decide we will leave them out overnight to see if they are claimed.

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4:10pm Weird that I need a bag of compost and one turns up on my doorstep, though. Just in case I have somehow gained powers of attraction while in lockdown, spend a few minutes thinking very hard about finding a million pounds and also that moment in Joe Wicks’ recent workout video where he led the PE lesson in a suit and tie and got all sweaty and then took his jacket off and he had sweated through his white shirt and it was a bit transparent and was sticking to him à la the famous Colin Firth wet shirt scene in Pride and Prejudice, only sexier.

4:30pm Anyway, quite sleepy now. Think I will just rest my eyes for 20 minutes before I finish editing.

6pm Oh bugger it, not again.

7pm Edit a bit more and then head out for a jog. I really am not in the mood today, but I won’t let myself listen to Sara Pascoe’s book unless I am running so off I plod round the park. Her book is so interesting and funny that after 3 minutes, I forget I’m running and arrive home cold but happy.

10pm Showered and fed, I sit down to plan tomorrow’s lesson. Rack my brains for something to keep an unenthusiastic four-year-old entertained. Eventually decide to make animal flashcards to learn some vocabulary and enlist the help of my reluctant flatmates. 10 minutes later I wish I hadn’t, as they are much better at drawing than me.

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I hate to be this person (that’s a lie, I love the attention) but I’ve made the Corona Journal into a newsletter so you can get it emailed to you every day. Each post/email takes 1-2 minutes to read and let’s be honest, what else have you got to do right now? Also, sorry. You can subscribe here.

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