Corona Journal, 11 May: Day 56

11am Uuuuuuuurgh. This shit again. Really?

11:10am Boyfriend, who has been awake for hours, comes into bedroom with a parcel for me. Turns out that mum has ordered more brownies for the flat (!), this time Biscoff and Kinder Bueno flavours (oh my GOD) from cousin’s Etsy shop, First Class Bakes! I am busy texting my profuse thanks to mum and cousin and then taking photos of the brownies (flatmate takes one look at them and pronounces them “blog fodder”) that boyfriend gets impatient and asks if we can please have them now #gifted #notspon

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12pm Make pancakes for boyfriend and flatmate to ease our transition into the week, along with brownies. Think boyfriend was regretting saying no to pancakes last time, but he has learned his lesson.

2pm Bum is still sore from yesterday’s long, windy bike ride to post an anniversary card to boyfriend’s cousins, whose wedding we attended last year.

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3pm Brother and sister’s birthdays are at the end of the month. Birthdays in lockdown must really suck, and I am trying to think of ways to celebrate with them that aren’t more sad than cheerful. Consider ordering my sister a stripper for outside her home; mum points out that they may charge more than usual, given the risk of arrest for indecent exposure.

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The search didn’t turn up many options, so sadly the idea was abandoned (for now).

6pm Watch Killing Eve ‘with’ best friend, i.e. we synchronise BBC iPlayer. We are thrilled that the episode features Dancing Lasha Tumbai; can barely contain ourselves.

7pm Boris is on TV again, possibly to try to make clear what wasn’t yesterday, i.e. lots of things.

7:10pm Fuck it – pour a glass of wine.

8pm Boyfriend has left for his nightshift and I retire to bedroom, planning on reading Gone Girl in bed with wine like the basic bitch I am on the outside or the middle aged divorcée I am on the inside. Instead, 2 glasses of wine in, I put on an Esther Perel YouTube video and set about dying the tips of my hair pink with the dye my sister sent in exasperation after my first failed attempt. How effective was the dye? Tune in tomorrow to find out.

I hate to be this person (that’s a lie, I love the attention) but I’ve made the Corona Journal into a newsletter so you can get it emailed to you every day. Each post/email takes 1-2 minutes to read and let’s be honest, what else have you got to do right now? Also, sorry. You can subscribe here.

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